Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Gingham..& Giving

Believe it or not, I'm a Nice person.
Behind all the sarcasm and snarky commentary, I am a Nice person.
Sometimes, too Nice. I give too generously and get irritated when it's not noticed.
For those of us that give without the anticipation of receipt, when our giving goes ungratified, it Really gets to us.
I've realized recently, that I have started sentences and stories far too often with the phrase,
"We used to be friends".
As in, We used to be, but then things went south, or north. There maybe was some back and forth, but inevitable the friendship(s) ended. And for some of these friendships that are gone, I have grieved their loss. There is a common denominator(me) and I have given too much. Too much of my time, too many of my ideas, or too much of my soul.  One of my last ones even ended after a short road trip. The girl had just through a bad break up and was headed out of the country for a brief reprieve. Feeling bad and insisting she shouldn't take the bus, I agreed to drive her the 90 miles on my day off, so she wouldn't miss her Take Off. Before the next Taco Tuesday, we were totally not friends. Note: It takes a pretty damn Nice person to get you to the Airport. Can't say I'll be doing That again.

You see my best friends live 4 hours and 14 hours respectively away. I miss both of them terribly, then think about all the trouble we'd get into, if we only lived closer! It's a rarity that I meet someone I like, and can stand spending any time with them. So when I do meet That someone, I'm ready to give it my all.
One of those friends recently put it all together for me.
She proposed the idea, that when you give to someone, and they seem ungrateful, it may not be the case. The look on their face, will tell of embarrassment, because they know they cannot say they'd do the same. She told me to Stop being so nice.
So I may be a little more guarded to go forward.
Unfortunately for the ungrateful and the generally unappreciative, my efforts will remain at a standstill. It's not how I was raised, or how I want to move forward, but for those friendships I have lost, after leveraging a lot, there is little I will do now.
It's time to start Living and stop all the Giving.

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