Monday, February 29, 2016

Stripes & when I was sent to be Styled

When ever one starts a new job, at a new company, One wonders how they will fit in.
How will the current employees will react to them, and how they will harmoniously spend 40+ hours a week together. It's the ultimate exercise in The Real World. Let's put a whole bunch of people together that have somewhat similar qualifications, but incredibly different backgrounds and work ethics. It could be Epic people watching.
Some years ago I had the opportunity to start with a new company.
A recruiter contacted me, and the interview process started. It was a bit long and arduous process, due in part to my interest in 2 different  positions and being over qualified for both of them.
None the less, there was the "They Really Like me!" moment and an offer was made an accepted.
I had never met anyone I'd be working with in person, until my first day. I had just met the boss, and the bosses boss, and that's all that mattered.
Or so I thought...
A soon as I got in the door I realized the look, the style and the fashion of the fellow peers I'd be working with, didn't Really seem to work with the company wardrobe. There were no bright colors, or moments of brilliance. There were many days, doomed with black sweaters and skinny pants begging for mercy, size 8 on a size 14 frame(Yikes!!) There was plenty of passive aggressive communication between the crew, and even more directed at the New Girl.
Truth was, they never met anyone like me, and they wouldn't ever again.
I started to debate, where I fit in, If I fit in at all, and if this was indeed my place to fall?
 
And if it was a place to fail, I had plenty of people waiting for me to bail.
Every day, one of my peers was busying himself, making notes on a legal pad. The next time we worked together, he felt the need to pull me aside and go through the list of notes he made about Everything I did wrong(or did wrong according to him)! Note to self: Never EVER fill the toilet paper roll without having at Least, At least 6 extra rolls in the basket under the sink!!! Did I mention, I was HIS boss? Lucky for him, I have thick skin, And a sense of humor. This conversation came up later, knee deep in his own paper trail of problems...Karma?
The straw and the camel that almost broke me was the most belittling experience of my existence.
It was not only unjust but incredibly asinine. It was generated by one of those mean girls, poured in the size 8 pants.
I was sent to be "Styled"...yup. I was being sent to another location to be "Styled"
Yes, this lifelong thing I eat, sleep, breathe called Fashion, Someone else was going to school Me on.
And it was mandatory. If I didn't go, I was sure to be labeled as belligerent, and that would put me on a whole Other list. I knew I didn't look, didn't act, and certainly didn't Work like anyone else there. And apparently size 14 had a problem with That.
So they sent me to a woman in her mid 60"s...Umm, you could be my Mom..
They sent me to a woman in her mid 60's with a Marquis cut diamond to be "Styled"
Are you screaming with me.. "A MARQUIS CUT DIAMOND!!??"
So there I was with a small half of my work wardrobe, working with her on how to adapt "My style"
It is something I will never forget.
The entire time I was thinking, "This is bullshit, why am I here?" They hired me for a reason, and the people that pay your salary have seen me, and have No problem with me". I was polite and present and breathing fire every second.
Arguably the most asinine thing I have ever been through.
So what happened After That?!
Well thankfully all of those Ass- hats I no longer have to see.
I can wear and say and do all things that make me, Me!
That stupid girl and her size 14's?, she moved on before she could be carted away.
I'm still wearing All the colors, All the jewelry, and am working with great people that make me(want to) Stay. 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Blue Stripes & the lifespan of a Blogger

It has come to my attention since starting this little blog 2 1/2 years ago, I'm becoming a bit of an enigma,"Wrapped in a riddle, and Cash"..Congratulations, 1 of you will see the humor in That.
But for Reals, an enigma, in the Blogger world.  

To clearly understand what that all means, I am a blogger that for the most part has skimmed away from all the normal clichés and (I consider) downfalls of blogging. I continue to say what I mean, and mean what I say. Just with a few more clarifications at the beginning. And let me be clear, I have had to part ways with a few in this process, maybe that just weren't ready for realism.
I don't have any huge hundred dollar sponsors, and you wont see me drinking any shakes, in the process to slim down.
 
I started this blog as a way to share the Super common, sometimes cruel things we All have to endure at some point , or another, and make some snarky comments on the side. And it's because it's a "Lifestyle Blog"(shutter...) here and there I will pepper in some points about my own life and times.
I've done my due diligence to share(what I think is) just enough to keep you interested, and in stitches.
 
I follow just a handful of other bloggers. Truth is, usually once I've found one I really think is the bee's knees, the honey has all but disappeared. Some are strictly style bloggers and some just post pretty pictures. The few fellow snarksters, are slim to none. And the ones that actually wear their Own clothes are all but done.

Thus The Blogger Lifespan:
1.Girl starts blog and posts 4-6 times a week, sometimes with witty commentary, usually accompanied by LOTS of pictures of her starting at something Intently on the ground?
 
2. Bloggers continues to blog, less consistently. Blogs are centered around her holding coffee in bed, usually from the knee down, with appropriately fashionable knee socks.
 
3.Girl meets boy and now blogs about everything boy and girl cute.  Girl starts Pinterest board for wedding and we all start to wonder When will It happen?! (sarc.) Blogger engagement finally happens and now blog is centered around Everything wedding this and wedding That, Followed by lots and lots of posts about Finding The One, My Life partner, wedding photos with blurry backgrounds, and close ups of Badgley Mischka shoes.
 
4. Boy and girl are expecting a baby and blogging becomes less of a priority(sooooooooo busyyyy)
Pictures of pretty pink and grey guest suited turned nursery's, are posts of the week. Fashion makes a Very brief comeback of #stylingthebump, only too soon to be booted out by #blessed, and bulbous tummies with hands twisted in hearts across them. (are you gagging yet?)
 
5. Blogger succumbs to wearing flimsy jersey tee's and even flimsier gold delicate jewelry. Blogger loses the layering, and the Louboutins. Blogger is tired and only has time for blogger posts that pay.Blogger sponsored posts from Maclaren, and nuna make the news.
Blogger stops blogging.
(and you thought You were an enigma)
 
My lifespan of a Blogger most certainly has Not followed this trail, and maybe sometimes I write things that make you wanna grab a pail.  But I always have chosen to take the path less traveled, and blog about things that make you come unraveled!
<3 D

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Stars, Stripes, & Spliting the Dinner bill

Warning: This is a very #whitegirlproblems post,
so if you've got a problem with That, well then this little blog Really isn't you're cup of tea.
Why do I feel like I consistently need a disclaimer on the start of many of these?
Isn't That the exact reason I started this little blog??,, onward..
 

Last weekend P and I returned back to our wedding reception restaurant for Valentine's Dinner, and I got the screw job. Shelling out pesos for pasta, or fishing for Franc's for a fish dinner is Not an Aduting activity I agree with. I would much rather, buy groceries, spend the time preparing the meal, and know exactly what has happened to my food and where it has come from. Food is one of the biggest things we fight over.,,Towels are the other..(separate blog post)

I know in a past life I was spoiled. I never, ever had to open my purse to pay for a meal. And to me that was quite perfect. His view was, I consumed less than half of what he did, and almost all time, he took my leftovers. It was a perfect arrangement.
P however, will spend his last dollar on Chinese dumplings. He will order out 5 nights out of seven, if I don't intervene. And the other two will have him eating Hamburger Helper. If potatoes are on the side and he has to choose a vegetable, Corn it'll be. (corn is not a vegetable P) 
 
Last weekend, we had a wonderful and pricy meal.
We ordered dessert to take home, and got ready to handle the bill.
Out of courtesy, if nothing else, I calmly looked at the total before he offered to buy it all.
In the effort to keep things simple for our waiflike waitress, P asks her to split the our services.
That's' where the screw job starts.
P has 4 drinks, 1 appetizer, 1 entrée and 1 dessert.
I had 1 drink, 1 appetizer, and 1 dessert.
And she splits the total,,, in half!!!!!

So it may be some time, before this suburban couple heads out for supper. This senorita may need to save a few more cents, prior to slinging back a few sliders.
But one things for sure, if P has the steak dinner and I do the Tuna tartare, Your dang sure I'll be seeing stars if I have to split That service again!

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Part of my Process

Aloha and Buenos Dias from the most un- inspiring time of year.
Yes you read correctly, and can see it daily on the Instagram.
Too cold for Spring skirting and way too many messy bun and cozy sweater posts later we are all just plain Bored. And unless your lucky enough to be one of those fancy schmancy bloggers, that gets asked to "review" a tropical resort this time of year, we've all got a bit more winter to wear.
 
People ask me ALL The Time, How I get dressed in the morning. How I put it all together. How Do I come up with these combinations. Instead of instigating an eye roll, and telling them I'm Just Really This fabulous..I've begun to let them in on my secret ways,,#ishoulddothisforaliving. I jokingly tell them I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like them.
 
However:
1.I start by picking the 'Theme" for the week, or by grabbing the things I know I want to wear.(See above)
 
2. Then I go outfit by outfit and layer appropriately. If it's going to be colder out, I would layer Another Chambray shirt underneath the stripe tee. I would also add tights. If it's sub zero, I would add an infinity scarf in a coordinating color. Side note: I am Completely OVER blanket scarves,,,Those things Take over your Life!(and your head and neck)
Then comes the Jewlery and Purses!
And yes, there are 3 patterns in this outfit. Like a great room, there are at Least 3 patterns of different scale going on at one time.
If you think this is beginning to look like too much work and you carry the same dang purse every day,,,We clearly Cannot be friends.
Side Note: How Cute would off -white tights and yellow Hunter boots be with This?!
Side Side Note: I said TIGHTS,,, Never Ever PANTY HOSE 
Stripes are my main pattern for this time of year. Go to any retailer Right now and look in the window. My Washington(s) on seeing stripes and sailing fabrics.
And yes, I have 2 Different stripes in one outfit(different scale- see above) 
 
Blue and Orange?
Yes, Please.
Crack out your old color wheel.
Colors opposite each other, will automatically go together. This is  safe bet for combining colors if your a fashion first-timer. 
 
VOILA!!!!!
And there we have it folks!
An entire weeks of outfits planned and pulled and ready to grab in your pre- Coffee slumber.
How easy is that?
So go ahead this weekend, and have your Way with your closet.
I can't wait to see what you come up with! 

Friday, February 5, 2016

Friday, Facebook, & Fanabelers

Round the water cooler today, the topic swirled around Who snapped what, who Posted what, and who Insta'd what. And we all come to the same consensus. We Always talk about wanting to get off the social media. 
Ok, at the very least Facebook. 
You all May think I sit in a dark basement and am a miserable troll typing away for this blog.  Truth is: I just write about what everyone else is doing. And the best compliment I've ever recieved:" You say, what everyone else is thinking", or "Diana, when your not in a room, it's like the lights are off". Take That trolls.

My Best friend flew the coop over a year ago. If you ask her, it was the best things she did for her mental health and Time Management. 
She will recommend Step #1: Take the app off your mobile device.
Facebook is like those shiney magazines, sitting at the supermarket checkout. Selling promises of burning off belly fat, or spying on the latest celebrity couples. You try and look away and not finger through the fancy pages, but you break down and kill some boredom with it.
I would like to take credit, where credit is due. That's right.
About a year ago I coined the term "Fanabelers".
Allow me to explain. Now that we are in the day and age (speaking of age) where your parents and grandparents (thank God not mine) are the present posters. They are also the biggest bunch of Fanabelers. 
"Facebook Enabelers"
Facebook Enabelers are people that enable unnecessary comments, continue to compliment in a disingenuine manner, and generally just need to Stop. 
These comments include but are not limited to:
"Most Beutiful bride EVER!!!!"
"You two were MADE for each other!!!"
"Cutest BABY OF all Time!!!"...all at some point ending in , "You Should MODEL!!!"
Are you getting the theme of Caps and exclamation points? (They really wanted you to know they meant it) ..wait...didn't you Just say That to me last week??
For now, I can't quit Facebook. It gives me too much dang gone good material.
Affectionately referred to as Facewhore.. I've taken my own steps to back off and become less irritated with the beast. I have un- subscribed from about 75%of status updates from my "Friend Pool". 

So this Friday night, I wish you an evening full of fish frys, a check -in chock full of drink pics, and hopefully a night free of fake fuzzy Fanabeling fodder.
Cheers!