Wednesday, October 14, 2015

The Ridiculous Women in Retail

I was recently discussed that I've had some jobs in my day, and perhaps I should make a list of them and Blog post accordingly.  It naturally morphed into a mental list of the more ridiculous women I have worked with and thus, will be the First 2 part series in Coffee history.
If you identify yourself(and your continuing to seek me and my blog out) consider yourself lucky.
You have given me a lot of laughter and stories to tell.
Hopefully, you have changed your ways around the work place.
The names have been changed to protect? The guilty.
1. Mary Anne.
Mary Ann was a younger key holder of mine years ago. She had formerly worked at a skateboard shop and found herself un-expectantly, expecting. Apparently it was time to get a Real job and she found herself selling higher fashion. Two months into our time together, she found herself yet again, un-expectantly getting ready for another 9 month go round.
Almost immediately the telephone started ringing. Everday that Mary Ann would open the store, she would call me to come in early to, ehhmm, relieve her, because she had been in the bathroom all morning, trying to eehhmm, relieve her self. Yes, apparently pregnancy constipation had gotten the best of her, and our shared bathroom. Kill me. This misery(for us both) went on for months.
Cue : One cleaning company to come every other day. I had to actually start timing her bathroom breaks and reporting them to HR for auditing on her timecard.
And you think you have a Shit job. Pun. Intended.
2. Natalie(yoursopretty)Greely
To understand how ridiculous this person is, you have to know that every correspondence, text message, e mail, voicemal ect. that I received from this woman, came complete with an automatic signature of Natalie(yoursopretty)Greely. Need I say more> Okay I will. I'll give it up to this woman. In the log arduous history of interviewing and hiring, I have never been snowed. The day I hired this woman it must have snowed in hell. I had been completely snowed. But I wasn't the only one. She had been interviewed by 2 prior recruiters and passed with flying colors, err should I say snow? She was putting herself through law school. She was raising her daughter on her own. She was making her own barbeque sauce. She was a correction officer. She was everything and anything.Almost immediately there was Drama. The first Sunday she ran the store? That morning she had been kicked out of her apartment with her daughter, and her landlord/ drug lord had thrown all their belongings over the banister. But she was okay.? I started to get phone calls from the mall reporting my store was closing early almost nightly, especially when Natalie was working. So I started logging on to my laptop nightly, where I could see the store ( I know creepy, right?) There she was in all her glory, rounding up anyone trying to retail after 8:30pm. You'd think she was trying to herd cattle. And then it was curtains to the doors. Soon after that, it was curtains to Natalie(yoursopretty)Greeley
3. Lindsey.
Oohh,, Lindsey. Lindsey was the prophet of Do as I Say, Not as I do. A rule follower and T crosser to the enthh degree. All paper work due and done on time. All lists completed and collated. I knew quickly that this was comforting to Lindsey. If she was able to see, in writing, that something was done, it deepened her sense self worth. Lindsey was notorious for needing to "re- organize" files, the night before a big visit. As the rest of us are folding our knickers off (literally), shes kickin' it in the office.
Lindsey would frequently discuss the stringy details of her relationship. Everyone knew there was trouble in paradise, but that was all pumiced over by a proposal. But that was the way of the world for Lindsey. Sweeping statements and more proclaiments, made it all better. The attempt was always made to marinade with the Marilyns and Madelines. And if there was common ground to coerce over, Perfect. Yoga, Running, Sugar free, Gluten free, Dairy Free. Everything was free and there was always a program we were on. Yes in front of the Francines, we were dairy and gluten free, but after her footsteps left the floor, a cinnamon roll went in that big door(her mouth). And speaking of door, she even admitted to me once, outside of closed doors, that she liked to have wine night, with another co- worker, and look up peoples criminal background and social security reports(she had access to this info) I immediately told her this was disgusting, and wanted no part of any more information like this.
I can't make these stories up people.
Believe me sometimes I wish I had. But these are the reasons I've stayed in this crazy business they call retail, and the Ridiculous Women in it.

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