Friday, May 1, 2015

Two patterns, & why it Never works in your 20's

I Just had this discussion Again.
I'm sure there are throws of people out there that have been together since they were 17 or 18 or even 21. Surely that anyone reading this that's in that position will debate my point of view. I have attended and stood up in so many weddings in my 20's, then just a few years later, downing Limoncello's with a newly single lady.
And I stand my ground when I say, 
Relationships that you start in your late teens and early 20's Never work.
Because I'm surround by people everyday in every stage of life, I have a bit of a different perspective than your average Joe.  But most often I'm asked the question by a boy or girl a bit younger, if they should stay or go. And (almost) every time I vote for the Go.
1. Relationships don't work in your 20's because most often 1 or both parties ends up moving. Either cross country for school, or perhaps farther for an enlistment. It's crazy to see how distance can accelerate a relationship that may have never been. Suddenly someone Misses you, someone is thinking about you, and they're communicating this to you. Your sense of self- worth, and appreciation is stuffed. "They like me! They Really like Me...calling Sally Field(look it up people)
And living separately makes the relationship even rosier. There's no dirty laundry to leap over and the shaving remnants in the sink are scarce. Yes, absence Does make the heart grow fond.
2.Relationships don't work in your 20's because as time moves on, 1 person in the relationship, usually doesn't. They're stuck in a virtual rut of, "He Used to this, or she Used to do That". Growing resentment and ill will all the way around. I have known several people that have stayed in a bad relationship because the other person has already put up with so much shit, or the time invested.
Great, Yes, stay in a bad situation because someone was willing to roll over and take your b.s. Your 20's is ALL about the B.S. You're suppose to do shitty things. Stay out late, be inebriated, don't call, create some massive debt. Be together because you want to be together, not because the B.S. was smoothed over.
3. Relationships in your 20's don't work, because you are Not the person you are going to be yet. And referencing #2 (above) sometimes that other person isn't willing to grow with you. In relationships, as you go and grow, the way you treat people can develop ten fold in a matter of 10 years. I always said, my relationship with my ex was the best ever in our 20's. When we were flat broke and couldn't even buy take-out burritos. As time went on, the more money we had couldn't help us a bit. Even though time lost can seem like a tragedy, I know I wasn't ready to meet P in my 20's. I'm sure you've all heard someone say their thankful for their spouse for "Making them get their shit together".  I didn't Need P to help me get my shit together, there are organizational products for that. P has made me be a better person, just ask him. And there's no way I would have been willing to transition like that in my 20's.
In my(humble) opinion, 2 patterns, as well as 2 personalities, don't end up thriving until age 30.
2 different patterns, like people, only will work together if one is complimentary to another. A plaid will always be perfect with a polka- dot because they're different scale. Put a plaid with a plaid, and they're likely to piss each other off. Mix a gingham with a giant floral, and it'll be gorgeous.
So perhaps P is my Peony, and my Polka- dot. We're two different patterns, that work perfectly past their 20's.
Happy May 1st Coffee readers!

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