Thursday, April 30, 2015

Mint*

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Let's Talk Lilly

Can I just say.. I love that Annie totally photo bombed?? 
 
The Umbrella!! 
Freakin Buster... 
Scandelously SHORT!!! Chinka Chinka Chinka!
 
Ok ladies,, and maybe a few of my Gays...After much promoting and persuasive conversation I'm ready to Talk Target, and Lilly for Target.
I'm Prepared to talk about 2 things:
1. Why this designer collaboration works
2.How I feel about the whoring of this on E Bay.
First of all, so ya'll know...I live this stuff.. I breathe this stuff,,and have been since I can remember getting dressed. Not the brand Lilly specificially, but all things clothing, designer, and dressing. Truth is, I'd rather buy clothes than eat. And if my middle school mindset would have transpired and taken me to the East Coast, I'd be right with Carrie Bradshaw, stowing sweaters inside my stove. 
 
But alas, I am here. And here is right where I'd rather be. And if you were under a rock last week you may have missed single handedly the most influential designer collaboration a discount retailer has launched in this lifetime for far. It's 2015 and the powers that be have come to the realization that giving away designer dresses, and having them only on a handful of celebutants, isn't creating That much coin. I present to you: The designer collaboration. People have been quoted, very Fashion-y people, saying, "Miss Lilly would turn over in her Grave if she knew she was in Target!!". Nope. No she wouldn't. Because she was a forward thinker when the train was still in the station. Truth is, young talent will trade just about anything to get their name out there. One of my favorite designer stories is about young man that delivered food in early 90's in New York City. Sometimes while serving someone supper, he'd include one of his famous sequined dresses!!!(look it up people) So Lilly would not have turned over in her grave. Now, this brand name has been on the lips of everyone from Boston to Santa Barbara. And the advertising for this launch...2 words: Pure genius...a 4 month tease of the most tickling pieces.
 
And they lined up. Starting as early as 7am, Starbucks sipping suburbanites staked their claim on the concrete sidewalk at Target to (hopefully)trample in and treat themselves. Record breaking it was. Selling out in a matter of minutes, the collection was a HIT. And if you were a good Christian(sarc.) and attended mass of another sort, and visited the store afterwards, it was like it never happened.
 
I had no plans of going to the store. Gulp. Yup. Nope.
It was a bit of  tug of war. I had bought one of my first Lilly pieces years ago at a garage sale,,,Yes, A Garage Sale!! (sometime ago while apparently in a "mood" clearing out my closet I got rid of it! It was a Pantsuit!!) And while I knew it was going to be a big hit, the behavior I knew I would see would be too much to bear. Plus..news of the product launching overnight was all over the net.
So this was my night:
10:30pm Go to bed
12:00am wake up and check website
1:00am wake up and check website
2:00am website up and running for 6 minutes
3:00 wake up and check crashed website
4:00am wake up and check crashed website
4:10am website up and running!! Put everything in my cart I wanted, check out, get confirmation # an get the Hell outta Dodge before it dives again!
 
Then I get the feeling.
The feeling that I should have gotten more. I was able to get all I wanted and more..but because I was able to, I should have tried for more???Whattt? Yes, I became swept up in it. And seeing everyone else Instagram what they got, made the gaudy feeling worse. Yes, 3 dresses, 1 pair of shoes, 1 umbrella and one set of tea cups wasn't enough? It Was enough. And the shoes went back because they were 2 sizes too big. I didn't need any more, and the few things I had that I was unsure about, I knew a few friends would be appreciative for. The selling and whoring of this whole thing has gotten way out of hand. If you are on Ebay, buying price gauged gauchos, do yourself some justice, and just buy the real thing. And if you are a seller on E Bay, pawning some of the Nosie Posey pieces,, Congratulations. You have more time than I to waste. You are the ones I wanted to avoid that day. 
 
 
See, I could sell all my stuff too and make several hundreds, (if not more dollars) on my duds. I Do have a costly kitchen remodel in process. But I did my due diligence, and ducked out of several hours of sleep. I got everything I wanted(and more) while in the privacy of my pajamas. Things like that Just happen for me. And if they don't, I don't dick around with elbow throwing housewives to get some homewares,,,That my friends, would make Miss Lilly turn over in her Grave.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Jelly Beans & My Imperfect Proposal

About this time of year I get a little giggle.
When I start to see the Easter candy come out and the jelly beans fill nearby bowls.
See, 3 years ago this year, I got a handful of beans, that was better than anyone else's.
 
It may not be the jumping out of an airplane, write my name in the stars type of proposal, but I'm not a smoke in mirrors kinda girl, so I'm going to call that sh*t out a mile away. Luckily for P, he took this all into consideration. Let me warn you, this story involves me wearing a do- rag...A DO-RAG people!!
 
We had dated, and done the dance for a bit over 2 years. We had separate houses and had become somewhat restless living out of a bag. The solution was to have 2 of everything, and try not to become totally frustrated in the process. See my house was in the city, and a 6 minute cab ride from everything. His house was a bit north of town, and at least 20 degrees cooler in the summer. My little house had everything new and just what I wanted. I called it my Sex & the City house, and it was just perfect. All of my shoes were on shelves, and my furniture was fluffy.
His place was a bit of a bachelor pad, complete with a Foosball table in the front room. Forget about closet space, and lets not even begin about the bathroom. I planted my feet in my fancy little house and refused to move. Jewelry aside, I wasn't going to "just move".
 
Despite our dual housing happenstance, we continued our courtship.
And at some point, I cannot come to remember why, but the consideration of jewelry did come up. I guess I was making sure a Carrie & Aiden marquis cut mis-hap, wouldn't happen. (people,.. look it up) And there were two in consideration. Some element of surprise, would be perfect.
 
So on that day, that rainy day in April, I was expecting anything to happen, except what actually did.
I had been at his house most of the day. I was off work, and making the most of the modifications I had done to the manor. P came home from work as I was preparing the nights feast. He walked in to find me in workout wear, and the do-rag in my unwashed wig. I was getting ready to leave for my work out, and was walking him through the dinner details. Spoiling his supper, he kept slipping jelly beans into his mouth. One by one, he kept offering them to me. I took one or two, but became quickly annoyed that he 1. Wasn't listening that the spaghetti sauce had to simmer 2. Or that he apparently missed the Do- Rag, and I wanted no jelly beans in my belly. So after the last jelly bean was dropped into my hands, I asked him if I could trade the candy in for something else....whattttt...these moments in your life when something else takes over?? strange...
 
And he says Ok. He puts both hands forward, palms closed, and asks what hand I choose.
I tap the right, he opens his hand slightly and the sparkler drops into mine!!!
OMIGOSHHHHH right??!!!
I come to find out he's been keeping these carats in his lunch box all week..You're dying, right?
And the Master plan was to go into the quaint country town nearby, get my favorite caramel apple and somehow slide it over the stick when the sweet girl behind the counter rings him up.
However.. it was raining. Pouring rain, for most of the week. And if P would have proposed, going for a walk in the rain, wandering around town, I would have seen right through it.
 
So in the kitchen, with the spaghetti sauce in the background, and a do- rag in his foreground, P took a gamble on a handful of beans, and gained himself a bride. And in true fashion, when any famous moment in my life happens, I cannot get in touch with Anyone! There were no video cameras, and no witnesses, just him and I.
But in that moment my friends, and now, I am perfectly happy, with my imperfect proposal.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

My Teacher , Ms. Tschwerald

I would love to start this topic telling you a great tale of a teacher that changed my life forever. Like I said, I would love to...However,, I think we both know by now this little Blog likes to talk about topics and Things that actually Happen. 
 
Today we're going to take it back to 2nd grade. I went to grade school within a mile of my parents house. Sometimes I walked, but most times my Dad would drive me to school. They had the ugliest green car that had a history of Not wanting to start on a cold morning.
I couldn't tell you a Thing I learned in 2nd grade. Reading? Writing, Cursive? Who knows. But I Do know by second grade I learned how to start a car, and how to Spell Ms. Tschwerald
Yes, T-S-C-H-W-E-R-A-L-D. 
That was her trophy. That was her #1 lesson plan, and that was her absolute priority for everyone in her class to know how she spelled her name. Ridic. Ms. Tschwerald (pronounced Cheer-Wald) was a mid- 30's, single (come to think of it I don't even know her First name!!) tanorexic, Yes, TAN-orexic (and this was in the 80's people) woman that apparently got into teaching because, well, she started the program in college, and well, I guess just Had to finish it. She wore lots of gold jewelry and was always traveling to someplace to- get more tan, I'm sure. When she walked through the classroom, any evidence of air or breathing disappeared. She ruled her class with an iron first, all in plight to know her name. Yes, I was a 2nd grade girl frightened, completely paranoid, that I was not going to pass the 2nd grade! People!! am I right? What 2nd grader needs to be worrying about NOT passing 2nd Grade??! She even made matters worse by waiting, yes waiting until almost entirely through summer to selectively send envelopes to students that passed, or did not pass through to 3rd grade! And the last test of torture?! You had to Spell that Damn name back to her!!!
 
Unfortunately she comes in a group now of girls that I have known that hate being Teachers. Hold on people, I didn't say they were BAD teachers, I said they Hated teaching. Yes, it has been more commonplace for me to meet people  teaching others that, 1.Hate the Administration 2. Think the lesson plans being forced upon them are a waste of time, 3. Cannot stand the kids 4. Pick the parents apart for every thing they do and don't do. I put Tan Ms. T right in this batch. I'm not quite sure where the disconnect is, when you sign up to spend your day with 2nd graders, then get annoyed when they're not acting like adults.
A few years ago I stopped back at that grade school.
I had a younger sibling attending, and I thought it would be entertaining, traveling down memory lane. I stopped by the kindergarten room that I loved, and saw the same coat hooks I'd hang my slicker on. I saw the art easels and the same paint bottles lined up on the ledge. I saw Mrs. Dill's classroom and giggled about how I called her Mrs. Dill pickle (not amused)
And then I saw her, Tan Old Ms. T, that apparently never became a Mrs. Someone else.
She had a group of 2 staying late after class to,, wait for it..Yup. .Spell out her name. Thankfully the little one I was there to pick up wasn't in that batch. I barely recognized her, short and shriveled. Tragically(not) the tens of years of trips and tanning had taken a toll on her. She briefly looked away from her most important lesson plan in my direction. I spelled out her name, consonant after consonant,. She didn't recognize me, but I let her know, the only thing I ever learned from her was the linguistics of her last name.
 And that my friends, is more tragic to me, than the years of tanning, on old Ms. T.
 

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Why Wal-Mart's the Best place in the world

People ask me All the time, "Where do you Find this stuff?"
I guess I've always had a knack for making the un-desirable, desirable. Perhaps growing up in a home with 2 older sisters, and getting their (crap) hand- me downs, made me seek out even more for myself. Park me in the middle of no where, or the middle of downtown, I'll find some fun stuff, no matter What the price tag. So allow me to share with you what I found this week at my local Wal- Mart....Yes you fancy Bloggers,,,I just typed Wal- Mart.
Remember those Cartier turn- loc bracelets?..I couldn't walk away for these at $1! 
You see, Wal - Mart doesn't pretend to be what it's Not. You've seen thepeopleofwalmart.com Right!? It doesn't have (many) designer collaborations, and you Can find great stuff there, you just have to look. A good friend just told me, "I never know if your outfit ran you $1,000 or $1, you are classy as F*ck it doesn't matter". I'm going to go ahead and take that as a compliment!
$4 Ladies,,, These t shirts are Regularly $4! How Very Kate Spade of them!
Lemme give you a pro-tip: I buy these suits every year. At $4.66 if I lose one , or "donate" one to the water, I'm not out too much. I take them to my monogrammer and have her customize them, and Voila!.. see below. Classy as F*ck,,right?
Then, at some point earlier this year, the jewelry buyer got a pair, (sarc.) and started stocking the shelves with these sparklers! 
Truth be told: I've worn $100 necklaces, and $10 necklaces...I'll give you One guess on the ones I receive More compliments on!!..Classy as F*ck.. (maybe a new blog name)
 
And this post Cannot, Can Not go without recognizing the best ice cream ever produced!! When I get near a Super Wal- Mart I usually end up with between 4-6 quarts of this stuff! They have recently discontinued Blackberry Crumble and I am momentarily calling the ice cream execs to get it back in action! 
 
So hopefully some girl out there in rural America is reading this blog. I hope she realizes that 99% of Blogger fashion comes "gifted". She can look just as Great, and I bet better with pieces she can get in places nearby.And her weekly trip to Wal- Mart can go down as one of the Best places in the World.