If you would have told me 15 years ago, maybe even 20, the conversations I'd have, I wouldn't have believed you. If you would have told me that I would be mostly the one to facilitate those conversations, I'd done call you crazy.
The worst one? A god awful talk about personal hygiene, with someone that was the supervisor to 16 others. The easiest? The one where I said, 'I'm leaving, and you're Not coming with me"
You see, I grew up extremely shy. Every report card, my teachers would comment that "Dianah needs to speak up within the group, Dianah needs to assert herself as an individual"...You just read that,, right?! And now there's this little Bloggity.
I had to have a conversation this week, that I had been somewhat dreading. It got me to thinking, about the hardest conversations I've had. What did I to prepare for them, and how did we both move on afterwards. Even though it can make someone particularly nervous, I have found that it can be best to ask someone 1st for their time. So they know, that I not only value their time, but that I value my time and want them to be able to listen, un-interrupted. Gosh, that sounded mature,, Who am I??
In preparation for these conversations, I have found that there's usually 1 of 3 ways people prepare.
1. The Rug Sweeper: P jokes that my Mom's coffee table is at a 45 degree angle because of everything under her rug. She prefers to push everything un-savory out of her way until it's absolutely necessary to handle something. By moving something out of sight, out of mind, there's the hope that it will disappear. What she doesn't realize is all the un-peasantries, are Seemingly worse, than they actually Are, if you just deal with them initially. I have been guilty of this.
2.The Fester-er: This person will be smiling on the outside and boiling on the inside. Most often they continue to put up with behavior, or results that are lack luster, due in part to wanting to smooth things over. Eventually the Fester-er soup will boil over and lead to #3. I have been guilty of being the Fester-er.
3. The Direct Hit: The Direct Hit is just That. Perhaps as a product of #1, and #2, the Direct Hit takes matters into her own hands and just goes for it. The Direct Hit sometimes goes into the situation with the best of intentions, get it over with quickly, for both parties. But what the Direct Hit lacks, is the real consideration for others, and the ability to read someones emotional response to the situation. Because there always is an emotional response, weather or not you see it. I have delivered more than a few of the Direct Hits.
And where did it get me? Skating on thin ice.
Perhaps it's a product of progressively getting older, but I've found that the hardest conversations I've had to have, happened under the most calm circumstances.
Because I asked for the time, let that person know the topic was important for both of us to discuss and didn't come off with any direct hits, I kept the ice antics to the Olympians.