Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Green Heart Sweater & the Green Eyed Monster

I have never Really liked the color Green.
It's actually next to brown on the list of colors this gal doesn't actually wear much. I don't think it has much to do with middle school, but I vaguely remember some kids making questioning judgments about someone sexual preference, due in fact to them wearing Green. God, I hate people. 
When your a kid, I believe your green- eyed monster comes out frequently, for some maybe even daily. I'm speaking of the green- eyed monster of Jealousy. Becca's got the new Barbi, or Tammy gets to take tennis lessons, then it morphs into Sarah's gets to wear the 1st bra..I know,, Right? I remember a time thinking, everyone else Has Something I want. And being in a household of 3 girls, and 6 years between my closest sibling and I, meant the hand- me downs, were down and OUT by the time they reached my closet. The aftermath of which can be seen daily on this little blog with the Plethora of clothes I own now,,,kidding,, Well not Really,, moving along now..
So this topic rears it's head due in part to an assumption someone made of me a few weeks ago. I was sitting in a large gathering watching a "very important football game". A commercial comes on with a particular spokes model hawking the show, series? game? Who knows,,Well, I must have made some audible comments, or had an unsuspecting eye- roll, because someone across the room instigated that I was jealous of said spokes model. Yes, P has an infatuation with Kate Upton. Me: Am I jealous? Nope. And the more I tried to explain why I wasn't, the accuser wasn't listening. You see, Kate to Me, looks like a D- grade Dorito eating, couch surfing, somewhat overweight sloth. Yes, I'm Clearly made aware my body image goals are Much different than yours and Sports Illustrated made her a cover model for 2 Years!!! Hello, This is a Man's magazine. And unless your under a rock, men would take such rock if it had boobs and hair. And speaking of Rocks, I cannot even imagine carrying around those jugs. It hurts my back just thinking about it. I'll take my little pebbles Any day! 
 I can't remember exactly when I started to get some perspective and realize, there was more to the story. The bra and the Barbi's came at a price, and that wasn't a check I was willing to cash. Sarah got to wear the 1st bra because she was overweight and over developed for a 4th grade girl. You see, for my own Green Eyed Monster to come out now, means, That person, or That situation has got to be extremely tidy. It has to be the entire package. It can't Just be One thing that I want.
For example: Someone has an amazing house they've just spent millions on, however, Mr. & Mrs. sleep in separate beds? Nope, I'll take my 100 year old farmhouse with the defunct kitchen cabinets.
Say someone you know is in amazing shape and always looks great but has the conversation skills of a sock? Nope, I'll go barefoot in my flip- flops.
Or how bout the ever present perfect family with 1 boy and one girl. It looks good from the outside, but say said husband travels every week and spends the kids college fund at strip clubs? Yeah,, I'll keep my 2 doggie household for now.
I don't want your life and you shouldn't want mine.
This is My life with Coffee, even if that means I have to re- heat 3-4 times in the middle of it.
If I want something that someone else has, don't assume I'm jealous, just know I'll likely have it, if I  want it. And if I, or you don't get it? That's okay too.
We're only meant to have what we work our hardest for.
Hope is just a 4 letter word that comforts us when the timing isn't clear.
And speaking of time, maybe it's taken me This long to realize, My eyes are Hazel, not Green anyway.

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