Wednesday, December 10, 2014

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Me

A few weeks ago I had an encounter with a woman that I have not been able to stop thinking about.
I really Need to. Stop thinking, That is. Biggest fault in my Stars? I can't turn it off.
I don't stress out about it. Or Really loose That much sleep, because as you know already, I'm more of a napper. (Read: Sweet Dreams are made of this- July) I just keep considering the conversation, or how someone has behaved.
I told someone No.
I didn't give them what they wanted.
I carefully explained the reasons why they perhaps should not have been asking for what they were asking for. But of course, all they heard was the No. She claimed that no one gave her the information, then there was perhaps a translation barrier to her native language. Note: The all of a sudden not being fluent when you start to get information you don't agree with is steadfast common.
Not a day goes by, and then it is brought to my attention that the woman believes I dis- respected her.
Yes, you read right.
I disrespected her.
I did not speak to her using a tone, or slowed speech, when the translation barrier arose.
I simply told her No, and That was, in her eyes, Disrespectful.
You see why I'm reeling still..right?
in my book, and now on this little blog, pulling the R word, as in Respect, is just about as volatile as pulling the "Other" R work that is capsizing the media we know today. 
Thankfully, it was known, I did not dis-respect her in Anyway. I can say my consistency prevails. And when asked how I would have handled the situation differently next time, would I? Sure. Would I have "given in?" Knowing this now, Yes. Not knowing, No. It also got me to thinking, for all the times she has likely told her children No to something, What if they came back with, "Your des-respecting me". Because that's basically what this was.
So I start thinking about Who it is that I Do respect, and who I don't and why. Most commonly it comes down to animals and the people that own, donate to, or care for them. To the people that make a choice to provide for others that cannot on their own, 2 legged, 4, fur, or fin. My best friend recently took in a stray dog that likes to lift his leg and urinate all over her pristine monogrammed living room panels. To this, I chuckle, and give respect that despite her threats, Chicho (Hot Springs) still gets to burrow under her sheets at night.
I Respect the un-apologetically honest.(naturally) And the people that can take such honesty without turning it personal. Because at the end of the day, It is All Personal.
Because We all say, "Give it to me straight", or "Tell me How it Is". But also at days end we get emotional about those words spoken, and distant to the deliverer. In some of my favorite words from Jack Nicholson, "You can't handle the truth"
Because the truth usually means: You were wrong.
And who Don't I respect?
People that put on a show about their family, relationship, job, ect.
You can see this in action everyday on social media. And don't you just want to yell into your screen, "I know you!" "We all know you!" "We know how it really is"
Or people that pretend to not understand you, or try to negotiate when you tell them No.
Years ago when I worked in a volatile environment, I had a simple rule:; you use vulgarity with me after I tell you No, No deal. Where I may decide to appease you, just to end the whole interaction. The deal is off when you start to swear.
In an argument, between loved ones, the deal is also off if that person swears or starts yelling. This is quite possibly why the arguments with P and I are quite brief. And I'm usually the one swearing.
He knows if I get to a point of saying, "Get the F out of my face"(thankfully doesn't happen often), I'm Done. And the negotiations will have to wait the night away.
So hopefully tonight, I can put the Respect conversation to rest.
I can sleep easily knowing, I don't(always) have to swear to swerve the result in my direction.
We can have a conversation without conflict and have you consider you may have been wrong.
Until then, I'll most likely be marinating about my next meeting.

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