Wednesday, December 31, 2014

NYE Outfit Planning

Monday, December 29, 2014

Red Sweater & My Sled Days

I have realize this past weekend, that I have either been hustled,
or gone through a hazing of sorts the last 3 winters. Either way, it's been a test,, of sorts.
You see, before I met P,  I had never been on a snow machine, a snowmobile, or anything for that matter on 2 skis with a motor attached. The entire time I was out west, I preferred to spend my time on 2 ski's, with the only motor involving a chairlift.
 
Considering that P spent a good amount of his adolescence, and into adulthood on that motor mount, he needed a Mrs. that could Hang. Well, after 3 years, Happily for him, this girl can hang, and ride. And so the Hazing goes..
Being the amateur of the group, I got the shit sled. The sled that was sometime soon, going to fall apart. The sled that had been rolled 2 and then 3 times. The sled that no one wanted to ride. So it was a test of Sorts.. Let's see if she can survive this.
I don't know if you know Anything about women, but here's my Teachings: "Keep them Happy, Keep You Happy"
 
Watching the masses of men, move north in efforts to find snow is a comedy in itself. They trailer up their tricksters, and hover in the hotels. And everyone of them is a rock star. The tacky stickers all over their rides will let you know so. Everyone just wants to be cooler than the others, and jacked up on Monster and other nameless energy drinks will keep them frisky for hours. They've got a wad of money to burn, and an uncharged cell phone to(not) take any important phone calls. And once you bring single men(maybe only single for the weekend) shooting cocktails and sleds together, spending singles at the strip club will most definitely follow. I almost feel bad for the girls. The unwashed, unshaven, dirty hair and even dirtier minded men that all think they're gonna get lucky.
 
So I rode the sled that was about to fall apart. I rode the sled that no one else wanted to ride, because you couldn't look like a 20 year old motor cross rider on it. There was no heated this, and plug- in Thats. On a regular basis I have to ride with my helmet open to avoid it from frosting over. And because men design these things, my hands are too small to keep the throttle even keel for any length of time.(Helloooo, huge sales opportunity here,, Calling all design savvy girls,,) On a longer ride a few years back, I ended up rubber- banding that throttle open to keep my hand from cramping up. Safe. I rode the sled that had absolutely no shocks on it. I'd rather ride bare-assed in the back of a pick up truck. And I rode the sled that went over 2 maybe 3 times. And That was the sled I wrestled like an unbridled horse. Yes,,600 pounds with a motor attached, vs. a 100 pound woman,,Sounds Completely fair,, ohh yeah,, and can you keep up with us on a 75mph trail.. Thanks. And then you ask if I'm having a good time.. Yes, However...
 
Now that we're all adults, I have to request:
I have been hazed and just want to ride with some heat.
A sled that hugs curves, rather than fights them would be splendid.
 A sled that the only rolls it will see is the snow rolls on the side of the trail.
We don't need to share our sports gear with others, I'd prefer something a tad more safe.
So here's to making my sled days, (and yours) much more special.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

"Your Package is in the Mail"

So,,, Here we Are.
Two days away and I'm feeling less like Fa La La, and more like Bahh Ha Ha... 
And in- between dog sitting(don't Even ask) and working like a dog, I inevitably have to make one of the biggest call- outs of the year.
 
If your human and have any planning capabilities, listening skills, or maybe own a calendar, you should know that Christmas comes exactly Once a year.
You have 364 days, 52 or 27 pay periods, and one shot to get it right.
It humors me when I hear people say, "Gosh,, Christmas Really snuck up on us this year!"
Wrong. It comes the exact Same time every year. Isn't that Crazy!!?
 
So during the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, the most Horrible thing you can so to someone is say those 6 humongous words: "Your Package is in the Mail".
Which in my world means "Your check is in the Mail"
 
What Do you Really say to That?
Ok? Thanks? Great?
How thoughtful of you.
"Thank you for thinking of me in just enough time to maybe have something arrive before the New Year"
Haven't you ever heard of overnight shipping?
 
I can almost hear you thinking out loud of what an ungrateful person I am. Ok, So stop reading then. However, if you Really know me, you'd know that I go to Great lengths for my friends and family. Even if that means paying additional and un-godly fee's to deliver the package in time to the destination.
Take this year, for example. The packages I needed to send out, were packed, posted and pre- paid, at least a week ahead of time, before they Actually needed them. Because I wanted the recipients to rejoice and enjoy them for their Journeys. I wanted my Mom and Sister to have new monogrammed Jammies and coordinating coffee cups for Christmas morning. And I wanted them to know I planned and considered this all. That's the true gift in it all. You see, I'm busy too.
Read: Wearing Blue and being SSSoooooo Busy
 
 When you buy a gift for someone for the Holidays, the intent should be, to deliver said gift as close to and most definitely before the Actual holiday.
Otherwise I can bet you, your recipient already believes you're waiting till after the holidays to purchase said gift at a reduced price. And if that's your game, Hey! Rock that game. How fun would it be to see how much you could get and have a gathering of girlfriends after the good holiday!?
Or have a white elephant gift exchange? Game ON!
 
So this year, in the middle of trying to make my 3 dog household more Ho Ho Ho, I'm not sure if P's trying to create an element of suspense. You see a few days ago he started wonder aloud about those scary 6 words. He's checked the front door and the back, and discussed there had been no delivery.
Hopefully for my sake, and more so his, he had the forethought to shell out the dollars to get my Glossy red boots underneath the glow of the tree, this Christmas morning.