Sunday, November 30, 2014

Say it ain't So

Welcome to adulthood and the land of the insincere compliment.
Or as I like to refer to as the Backhanded Compliment.
If you follow me on Instagram,,,(hint* hint*) you'll know that my "description" reads: Cynic, Style icon, Straight- shooter, and that couldn't be more Dead On.
And during this past Thanksgiving holiday, I got to thinking about the things that are said every day, that may Not be so sincere, and some seriously funny. That's where the straight- shooter comes in.
So it gets complicated when someone Actually Does give you a enters the Cynic.
When I was planning our wedding I started with the photographer first. Since there is a very likely chance I will not remember much of this life, I wanted to make Damn sure I had amazing photos to capture the day, and pretty pictures to page through. I had no idea what to budget, and found someone talented beyond their time. Her going rate was 3x what I expected to spend. As I paged through her on- line gallery, I concluded that P and I weren't good looking enough to be in her photos!(true story) When I shared this with her, she of course laughed, and put me at perfect ease. I replied "Yeah, all Brides are beautiful, right?" She said, "No...actually all Brides and All Babies Are not beautiful!!"
You're HIRED!!
If you are not following me(as in train of thought) I will Thankfully divvy said list up into Holidays/ Occasions for your enjoyment. Cheers!
"Ohh,, this is a moist bird" "Is the turkey dry?" "Ohh no,, Not at all,,,but can you pass the gravy?" (backhanded compliment) Yes, No One in the history of serving Thanksgiving dinner, has ever served a dry bird. We're all just really there for the stuffing, potatoes, and pie.
New baby:
"Ohh what a beautiful baby" ,"Looks just like his Mother" (babies in the history of babies never have looked like any fathers, it's always the mother) "Look at those big lips!" "Ohh he's Smiling! he's already smiling". And Fathers be prepared: If you're expecting a girl, be prepared to hear plenty of, "ohh boy watch out when she starts Dating!' or, "ohh I bet you're going to Spoil her rotten!" Because if you're having a boy, apparently None of this will happen.  And if you already have a boy, and are now expecting a girl, you are destined to hear, "Well,, a boy and a girl! I guess you're Done now, right?!" Yes, Thank you for planning my reproductive future.
Someone recently shared with me the hilarious thought, that there is actually only 1 ultrasound of an  baby out there. Doctors just pass out the same photo to anyone expecting!! And by the way, when you show that photo, No One knows where to look.
"You're the most beautiful Bride" followed by, "Your dress is so pretty", not to be outdone with, "The cake is sooo Moist!" Yes, I'm aware, many of these revolve around moist food,, which is actually, quite DRY. Don't even get me started on the Free wine. You may also actually hear, "You had the Best wedding Ever!!" I have been to 1 Amazing wedding. And you may argue I must not know That many amazing people. Wrong. This was out west, down a 10 mile dirt road, at a log lumberjack bar and the Father of the groom grilled steaks. True Story. Heather& Cody's.
I got my first one around age 20. It was on a trip out west, and it was Horrible!
It was successfully covered years later. That I'd like to add to my younger, clean skinned readers: Nothing is permanent. and I do mean NOTHING. As I added to my collection, I started to get the obvious questions/ statements.
"What does That Mean?" and "Why'd you get That?"(I apparently was suppose to consult you first?) and then It came..."What happens when your 90 and you're a tattoo'd old woman?".
To that I say, "well, I'll give the nurses in the old folks home even More to talk about!"
Ink on, my friends.
So next time you think of paying someone a compliment, make sure it's sincere and heart felt.  Make it unique as the person you are delivering it to. Consider how many countless times that person may have seen that same card.
Otherwise the recipient may be thinking, Say it ain't So.

1 comment:

  1. I wholeheartedly agree. No need to compliment all the time when you're not feeling it. Otherwise you feel like a jerk? Grow up! My biggest cringeworthy moments come from the comments on my tattoos. I don't regret mine, but they do come with a lifetime guarantee of annoyance.