Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Been Caught Stealin'

I know all too much about thievery.
I can give you all the text book reasons, and the emotional reasons people steal. I can tell you at a single glance who is stealing and who isn't. Stealing covers all ages, all races an all genders. I could show you all the ways people steal and how they hide what. There are professionals and amateurs. I know all about this topic, but I hope to never understand it.
1. The Housewife:
She's looking for a cheap thrill and a little bit extra. Hubby may have put her on a recent spending hiatus, but she still needs to show up to car pool looking fabulous. Stealing is something that she calls the shots on, and who would ever accuse her. She commonly leaves empty hangars in fitting rooms, and likes to take small un-sensored goods like $18 hair ties.
2.The Pre-Teen awkward girl:
Everything about this girl is awkward. From the way she walks into the store, to the way she constantly gawks to see if anyone is watching her. She barely ever use the dressing room, and is usually with a group of friends. Stealing is usually the dare, and the taking is on a very small scale. She wants to fit in and be the cool girl. She will likely develop into the Stealing Housewife later in life.
3. The Foil- bag stealer:
This girl borders has surpassed amateur status. She lines the inside of a paper shopping bag with aluminum foil to de- activate store security sensors. She almost always has a shopping bag from a retailers that's no where near where's she's carrying it(dead ringer for thief). She usually can be found between racks stuffing her bag with cotton t's, and underwear. Yes, underwear. There's a special place in hell for people that steal underwear.
4.The Thief that steals to sell it:
This is the girl that leaves a trail of tags around all in the same size- and never in her size. When you approach a size 12 girl and she has all double 0's in her hands, it's dead give away. Sometime she tries to wedge herself into clothing that doesn't fit, in front of you, trying to prove she's really interested in said item. This girl many times is with her Momma, and maybe a young infant in a stroller. Yes, a stroller, made just to fill with lifted items. The Mother encourages the daughter, and is usually packing some tag- cutting device.
5. The Pack- Stealers:
They travel in yes, said Packs. They strive to divert employees in different directions by asking for merchandise they clearly know is not available. They usually ask what size "up to" do you carry. They usually have a car waiting outside the store. One of them is on their phone communicating out to the car: How many people are working, what they're looking at, and how much should they take. Big ticket items are priority. They're not interested in returning merchandise for store credit. They actually know all the return policies retailers have put in place. The lift is going on E Bay or Craigslist.
Even though I know all to well the why's and how's of this business, I am thankful that my fear of Karma, and the repercussions, will never mean that,
I've Been Caught Stealin' 


  1. You're freakin adorable. And I love how you styled all this. WAY. TOO. CUTE.

  2. Awweee Thank you!!
    I haven't gotten much "Feedback" on the blog at All and this means a TON:)