Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Whattddya doin' New Year's Eve??

 
It comes up every year. The dreaded question..and universally, if you don't have Amazing plans, you are inherently = a Loser. Fabulous plans have no age limit either. No matter how young or old, you absolutely, positively Must have earth shattering plans. If not= Yes, you are a Total loser.
New Year's Eve expectations have now surpassed Halloween hopes.
 
When have you ever, Ever in your life heard someone say, "Ohh, I Can't Wait for New Years Eve!?"
When have you ever reminisced abut a New Year's Eve past? And, if you live in the Midwest, when have you Ever Not spent New Year's Eve, freezing your ass off, tinkering around in 5 inch heels to the valet? Transportation to me is key: You must have your own driver and it Cannot be communal.
Being in a limousine to me is the equivalent of being in a Dateline investigation of a shotty hotel with a black light.
 
In your 20's you do The Chase. The Chase around the city, trying to find where the best party is. Your friends will all be non- committal about resting on a location. They're waiting for better plans to emerge. And if you are subject to paying a hefty cover charge(Complete with cheap bathtub champagne toast at midnight) you won't feel inclined to change locations. A few years back I paid $40 for a Sprite. Yes a Sprite. I wasn't drinking and I still had to pay cover to "Be seen" there. Being non- committal about making plans ends up being even more disastrous later in life when you may be hosting a party at your home. There you wait for anyone to show up after you've spend 5 hours making finger food. And just to clarify: Making your non- parental friends, watch your child's "production" on New Year's Eve= not fun.
 
I would rather celebrate New Years Eve: Never. The only thing redeeming about the holiday is everything is encrusted in glitter and sparkles. I've had great friends, great family, and, great dogs. I've never had a great New Year's Eve. And I'm okay with that. The best most memorable nights have come from little planning, no expectations, and nobody's balls dropping.
 
 

Saturday, December 28, 2013

A Cropped out Christmas

I've been thinking about this post All week. 
Scratch that.
I've been thinking about this post All month. Nope.
I've been thinking about this post All year.
It all started with a discussion about what people post on social media. A discussion that I assume many of you have had before. A discussion about what we're sick of. What people need to stop "Sharing", and what you don't see.
 In this day and age of Over- sharing, the story- behind- the story is what fascinates me.
 
Years ago, when you took a photograph, you actually had to wait and see how the picture turned out! Shocking,I know. I think there has been an unfortunate development(pun intended). I think that some of the best photos that many of us have in our archives, are the ones that none of us planned on. The one's that were ill timed, and un practiced. There were no "throwing elbows" in attempt to look like a red- carpet walker, and thankfully the duck- faces were just for ducks.
 
I recently heard about a fabulous European vacation some mutual friends had taken. Accent on fabulous, amazing, or any other overused social media adjective. The couple had a wildly romantic trip planned to Oui Paris, complete with champagne toasting at the top of Le Tour Eiffel. What you didn't see on social media was the bickering that started on the way to the airport. You missed the non- stop rain that pummeled the couple nearly the entire trip. And you missed the tears that fell at the top of the tower where the young woman stood questioning her marriage.
Isn't it grand how we can "Crop- Out" all the sadness?
 
For the by- standers, and bullshit callers: This is what Kills us! We're the one's that know about your crappy relationship. The ones that know about the resent a woman has to her husband and then see's a  "Love you always Honey" status update crop up. We're taking the phone calls once again, late at night when your better half, hasn't made it home. And we are the ones, rolling our eyes in unison, at the fa├žade your posting.
 
Like this Christmas, for example. You may have missed P's turning into a 7 year old when he couldn't get his cash out of his ornaments on the "Money Tree". You definitely missed me throwing 2 of the 5 ornaments on the floor shattering them to unleash the stash. And you certainly didn't see the bloody hand he had from scooping up the broken glass! And as dysfunctional as they are, they are the memories that we someday soon laugh about.
But that's what Blogs like this are for. The topics are about the real things that happen everyday, and for saying the things that everyone is thinking that no one wants to say.
 
So, What did you "Crop- out" this Christmas??

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Shame on You

It has been said before on this blog that I hear things I shouldn't. I definitely have said things I shouldn't. And today, today I am thinking about things I shouldn't.
An old boyfriend used to tell me that " I think too much". I told him I considered that to be one of the highest compliments he could have given me, and also I was "Thinking about dumping him". Next. 
 
A few days ago I had a rather unpleasant exchange with a woman. Being around the public regularly I somehow in this life time have learned to accept people's abnormalities and what they become during the holidays. You never know someone's back story, and we all have our stories.
The exchange between the unpleasant woman and I ended in her being extremely angry and telling me I should be Ashamed of myself. I should be Ashamed of myself this holiday season. 3 Days before Christmas, and this is what's in my head.
 
So I started to think, and consider, and reflect. I cannot even remember the last time this has been said to me, if ever. Not even by my parents in my much younger years. Being Ashamed of oneself, was just not language they used. I was for them a pretty good kid. I kept my room spotless, re- arranged it regularly and re- painted and decorated it yearly. That may be an entirely different post!
I was extremely shy and respected my elders. Sure there was times in my teenage years I could have treated them better. Curfew was a major topic for debate in the house after I turned 16. But I have no feelings or memories of being ashamed. Was I Shameful when I discovered I had surpassed my Dad's earnings when he was raising 3 girls? Potentially. But I think that's the way of the world now.
 
Thankfully, but unthankfully, I had a good portion of time with my dad before he passed last year. I asked him everything I wanted to ask him, and told him everything I wanted to tell him. I left everything on the table, because that's how he raised me. I am ashamed of nothing.
My past infidelity? Do I regret? Maybe. Am I  Ashamed? No. I actually think it was the best thing that happened for my relationship at that time. The mother I am to my dogs? Nope. No Shame, I treat them better than most treat their off- spring.
 
And my relationship with P. Could I have been better to him in the beginning? Sure. but I was broken and not interested in being fixed. I say everything I want to him. In the moment, and uncensored. I leave nothing undone. Luckily for him, he has sanded my jagged edges and I'm a "softer" person now because of him.
 
So the shame lies in the woman who spoke of it. How Shameful of her to bring her frustration to the person in front of her trying to make things easy. Shame on her for not keeping herself organized and blaming it on someone else. Shame on her for the likelihood of her telling the story of our exchange to her family this holiday season, instead of enjoying the time they have together.
 
Spend the time this holiday season. Be good to each other. Say what you've always wanted to say, and act the way you see fit to act. Be aware that others are working in your leisure. Spend what you reasonably should spend this Christmas. And give without the expectation of receipt.
 Otherwise, it may be Shame on you.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Been Caught Stealin'

I know all too much about thievery.
I can give you all the text book reasons, and the emotional reasons people steal. I can tell you at a single glance who is stealing and who isn't. Stealing covers all ages, all races an all genders. I could show you all the ways people steal and how they hide what. There are professionals and amateurs. I know all about this topic, but I hope to never understand it.
 
1. The Housewife:
She's looking for a cheap thrill and a little bit extra. Hubby may have put her on a recent spending hiatus, but she still needs to show up to car pool looking fabulous. Stealing is something that she calls the shots on, and who would ever accuse her. She commonly leaves empty hangars in fitting rooms, and likes to take small un-sensored goods like $18 hair ties.
 
2.The Pre-Teen awkward girl:
Everything about this girl is awkward. From the way she walks into the store, to the way she constantly gawks to see if anyone is watching her. She barely ever use the dressing room, and is usually with a group of friends. Stealing is usually the dare, and the taking is on a very small scale. She wants to fit in and be the cool girl. She will likely develop into the Stealing Housewife later in life.
 
3. The Foil- bag stealer:
This girl borders has surpassed amateur status. She lines the inside of a paper shopping bag with aluminum foil to de- activate store security sensors. She almost always has a shopping bag from a retailers that's no where near where's she's carrying it(dead ringer for thief). She usually can be found between racks stuffing her bag with cotton t's, and underwear. Yes, underwear. There's a special place in hell for people that steal underwear.
 
4.The Thief that steals to sell it:
This is the girl that leaves a trail of tags around all in the same size- and never in her size. When you approach a size 12 girl and she has all double 0's in her hands, it's dead give away. Sometime she tries to wedge herself into clothing that doesn't fit, in front of you, trying to prove she's really interested in said item. This girl many times is with her Momma, and maybe a young infant in a stroller. Yes, a stroller, made just to fill with lifted items. The Mother encourages the daughter, and is usually packing some tag- cutting device.
 
5. The Pack- Stealers:
They travel in yes, said Packs. They strive to divert employees in different directions by asking for merchandise they clearly know is not available. They usually ask what size "up to" do you carry. They usually have a car waiting outside the store. One of them is on their phone communicating out to the car: How many people are working, what they're looking at, and how much should they take. Big ticket items are priority. They're not interested in returning merchandise for store credit. They actually know all the return policies retailers have put in place. The lift is going on E Bay or Craigslist.
 
Even though I know all to well the why's and how's of this business, I am thankful that my fear of Karma, and the repercussions, will never mean that,
I've Been Caught Stealin'